How to Break Up

You have the right to end a relationship whenever you want.  If you start to feel uncomfortable with things your partner is doing, trust those feelings and be honest with yourself and your partner. 

  • Once you have decided that you don’t want to be with them, end the relationship.  It will not make it easier for either of you if you wait. 
  • Be honest with them and tell them exactly how you feel.
  • Tell other people when and where you plan to do it.
  • Set the meeting at public place, like a restaurant or store.
  • Have a time that you need to leave by and make sure to end the conversation by then.
  • If they try to make you feel bad or guilty about it, remember that you are doing the right thing.  Respect yourself and your decision.
  • Tell them their abusive behavior is why you are ending it. Remember that you deserve a healthy respectful relationship.
  • They have probably made excuses for their abusive behavior in the past; let them know that your decision is final.
  • If someone has been abusive, remember that it is not your fault.  Abuse often involves manipulation and control; these are tactics they may use to try to get you to stay. 
  • Avoid being part of “gossip”, either initiating or reacting to it.  Try to take the higher road by not getting involved. 

 

If they have been controlling in any way in your relationship, know that there is the potential for them to become violent.

  • Make sure you have access to a cell phone or other way to contact someone should it become violent.
  • Have a friend come with you. They don’t have to be right next to you, but make sure they are in a place where they can see both you and your partner.
  • Take any threats they make seriously and consider filing for an order of protection.
  • Document all of their attempts to contact you, and change your phone number and e-mail address, consider blocking them on Facebook and/or MySpace.
  • Let people at school and at home know about your relationship ending. 

 

Contact A Safe Place’s 24-hour confidential help line to ask questions and get help with an abusive relationship: 847-249-4450 or 800-600-SAFE 

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